Have you ever had one of those days where you just feel like you aren’t succeeding the way you thought, hoped, or desired? When a series of unfortunate events beyond your control shakes your confidence to the core making you question your choices, your direction in life, who you are and what you bring to the world?
The answer is probably yes. If you’re an HSP the answer is DEFINITLEY yes. Our little brains like to take everything to the next level. If left unchecked these little spirals can go off the rails!
In addition to being an HSP, I’m a recovering people pleaser who needed to succeed in order to prove her worth, not only to others but myself (BTW…it’s only self that needs the proof). Those neuro pathways run deep so it can still be a struggle to tone down the language in my head.
Even after years of living in alignment with how I work naturally. Even after years of mediation and Reiki practice. Even after changing my life. Even after doing the work I was called to do. Even after years of “proof” of success personally & professionally.
We live in a society that values productivity, success, financial achievement and hustling, and we internalize that value set. Even if it doesn’t match up with our own. In fact, when it doesn’t match up with our own we feel like we are failing, falling short or aren’t able to make it in this world. Which, of course, isn’t true.
“I know it isn’t true but I still feel like it is.”
Right, so how do you get rid of the feeling? Listen, I wish I could tell you there was a magic pill that would make it all better. But there isn’t. There isn’t a perfect dose of Prozac, Xanax or anything else that will relieve these feelings completely, and make you feel successful, having met everyone’s expectations appropriately.
The only thing that works is self-compassion, self-love, awareness, acceptance, and time.
- Self-compassion invites us to see ourselves as we would another person having similar feelings and offering ourselves the same love, understanding and guidance we would offer them. Looking at the self-compassion wheel created by @iamhayleykaye, we are reminded that we don’t have to be so hard on ourselves.
- Self-love is having appreciation and respect for yourself and for your happiness. Self-love is often cultivated through prioritizing actions that support or improve your physical, mental and spiritual health.
- Awareness brings you present with yourself in a way that allows for clarity of the moment. Are you feeling the way you want to feel? If not, what is true and what is untrue about the moment? What action can you take that will help you feel more of what you want to feel and less of what you don’t?
- Accepting that you may have these feelings from time to time is important. It takes away the power these thoughts and feelings can have. Staying consistent in the messaging you want your body, brain, and soul to hear will lessen the impact these thoughts have on your system.
- Time will bring more and more peace. These messages/expectations have been ingrained in your psyche for a long time and it will likely take awhile to disconnect those pathways. Just keep moving forward.
Moving forward
You know, logically, that you are more than your level of professional success or personal achievements. You know that you don’t HAVE to live up to the perceived expectations of society, others, even yours (if they are outside your core value structure). But sometimes, it still feels like the truth.
Staying consistent with the actions above to retrain your brain, body, and soul with new programming that matches up with your specific core values and beliefs is key to moving forward. If you feel like additional support is needed, reach out to your counselor, coach or accountability partner for help.
If I can help, I would be honored to do so. If you need a referral, I can help you with that as well. My goal for you is to feel good and I’m happy to support you however that looks.
Until next time…